Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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