the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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