our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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