I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
