the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
