i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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