Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
