i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
