You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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