took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
