no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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