Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
