just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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