I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Help. Why am I so naked?
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