so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize