Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
