She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
