Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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