Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
