I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
