First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
