I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
