Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
false alarm. still invincible.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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