Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
