Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
