dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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