i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Let's paint friendship bongs
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
