i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
