4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
