i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
