Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
