Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
