What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Is Oprah even human
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
