So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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