she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
