my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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