What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
