Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
