he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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