so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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