Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
