I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
