she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
