Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My bed smells like the plague
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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