My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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