STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
