The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
