I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
