Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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