I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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