I skipped work to stalk him.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
