Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
