Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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