just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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