i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
