The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
