if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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