The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
