I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
