My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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