Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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