You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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