im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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