Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
