I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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