While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
