Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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