it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
