So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
