I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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