No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize