too bad you live with your parents still
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
